Things were going SO well until you started your crap

Fucking computer. You work, you don't, you work again, but for how long? Haven't I treated you right? I don't give you viruses from porn sites, I don't spill liquids on your keyboard, I don't play WoW. Sure, I may have dropped you... a few times, but really stop being a little bitch. You're a laptop, now get your shit together so I can keep wasting time on facebook!

Sincerely,

Wonky COMMA

Self-inflicted life rules whose self-inflection has been desired, but seriously lacking, for at least 5 years now...

1. Stand up straight
2. Floss
3. Stop staring for hours on end at the magic time displacer, also known as your laptop, you've let it displace far too many of your limited hours on this here Earth
   
4. Stop eating butter
5. Stop eating chocolate
6. Stop eating sinfully orgasmic combinations of butter and chocolate
7. Learn how to fall asleep like normal people
8. Wake up on time
9. Use this new found "morning time" to be productive
10. Good Lord, do some push ups or crunches or something, and throw in some yoga for good measure
    
11. Cardio (yes this word is a life rule unto itself)

Life goals I have succeeded in implementing:

1. Brushing my teeth twice daily (8th grade)
2. Washing my face twice daily (sophomore year of college)
3. Showering in the a.m. (this year of college)
   
4. Not leaving the house make-up less. (basically last year)
   
5. Buy and successfully eat vegetables, even if they only are green beans and spinach. (since I started feeding myself)

K.D.

When in the land of the Mormons

Cari, I'm pretty sure no one wins in the contest of "who's mathematics intensive, rigorous science subject matter is best?" Nope, all who play that game definitely lose.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LEA! Now you can legally drink. Remember, with great power comes great work per second.

So, I am sick. Not horrendously, terribly sick, just a little. Yet somehow, I am pretty sure the lack of oxygen due to my body's inability to breath through my nose is going to give me brain damage. And yes, I have been breathing through my mouth, but somehow, despite the clearly larger volume of my mouth compared to my nostrils, I don't think I get as much air that way. So there's that. And then yesterday, I went into the wrong classroom, asked a girl if I could sit next to her, then realized I was in the wrong classroom and I had to leave. Admittedly I had only had 4 hours of sleep, but I'm gonna go ahead and blame the sickness for this one. And yesterday, I was so not in the mood to be bothered, and this damn annoying faced, khaki cargo pant, dressy polo, teva wearing, nerd kept talking to me in the class where if the professor hears you talking, HE WILL FREAKING SINGLE YOU OUT TO GROUCH AT YOU. It was all I could do to not be like, "yeah, my face might look I am a retarded mouth breather today, but at least it doesn't look like an annoying nerd's face like yours does every single day, so kindly shut up."

Also, cereal boxes lie about how much cereal is inside. I'm lucky if I get half as many servings out as they say I should.

all of my love,

K.D.

Trauma

I'm pretty sure the guy that owns the collegetown grocery store (and the drug smuggling it is a front for) knows me as the caffeine girl. I'm always running in the there in an act of desperation purchasing either coffee and milk or oj and redbull. I guess we can just both judge each other.

Note to self:

Stop drinking whiskey once you're a little drunk. We need to stop making this "sleeping on the bathroom floor" thing happen.

It never ends...

Even my bagel-procurement stand is ominous.

Making babies

It's just a typical Tuesday. Playing God with a population of gametes in my Hardy Weinberg Equilibrium simulator. It's kind of like The Sims without the bear skin rug and the weird language.

CARL (determined to revive this blog)

Norms

Living by myself for so long has allowed me to explore unconventional seating arrangements. Imagine what I would be like with zero social pressure. Probably a chimpanzee.

Bromance

"Look, baby, this is your old tooth-brushing glass. I kept it all the time to remind me of you."

"To remind you to brush your teeth."

"No. I have my own too. I kept this to remind me of you trying to brush away the Villa Rossa from your teeth in the morning, swearing and eating asprin and cursing harlots. Every time I see that glass I think of you trying to clean your conscience with a toothbrush...I will wait till I see the Anglo-Saxon brushing away harlotry with a toothbrush."

A Farewell to Arms - Ernest Hemingway

I kept reading this over and over again because it's too adorable and funny. I miss y'all.

CARL