Creedance and Whiskey and Creedance and Whiskey

My mom's stocking stuffers are CCR's greatest hits and Bridesmaids so that we can finally get out of our Step Brothers and Stones rut. There has to be some way to avoid country radio stations with Taylor Swift on them.

CARL

For the desk of the omnipotent Shithead in the sky: Grievances.

Why do you have the strong urge to get into a fist fight after you get out of class?

A) Professor is a dickbag, 80% of the lecture he just gave served only to dismay and confuse.

B) Other students are annoying, inconsiderate dickbags.

C) You are hungry.

D) All of the fucking a-bove.

Seriously, bitches at the end of the isle like to take a full 5 goddamn minutes to get their shit together and leave so we middle of the isle people can get out. Seriously motherfucker, if I'm standing here waiting to get out, don'tcha think maybe you might want to move faster than the speed of Moses' fucking grandma.

One of the afforementioned isle blocking digbags left her shit all over the floor and her desk popped up, so even though she has gone, still no one can get out. Then, as the entire class gathers into a 5 foot wide passage to collect their graded shit from the massive piles the TA's have bestowed upon us, the motherfucker thinks its a good goddamn location to just go ahead and review the shit she just got back. Go ahead, don't worry, it's not like us 40 other people want to get to where you're standing so we can leave, just fucking take your time reading your shit. Bitch, I will cut you.

Also, dear bitches, keep walking four across the goddamn sidewalk like no one else could possibly be walking the other direction as you, after that goddamn class I will happily hip check and shoulder charge every one of you motherfuckers.

And perhaps, when we get to the bus stop, ya think we could not stop the instant we get into the shade and our eyes cry out in relief from the eternal glare of the burning bastard in the sky, maybe try reasonably dispersing ourselves under the cover so that those of us arriving after you don't have to play goddamn red rover to get the sun out of our eyes. I don't know if you know this, but you morons have managed to create a blockade of human meat across one of the busiest sidewalks on campus, which explains why that big stream of people that just got off the bus had to tackle some of you to get through. I know, you were confused about why that kept happening.

Also, it's December, why is it goddamn 75 degrees outside? My winter themed piping hot beverages are desperately incongruous. This is bullshit.

And, yesterday, barista bitch gave me what tasted like a goddamn eggnog + pumpkin spice latte, with like 5 extra shots of simple syrup, when I ordered a caramel brulee latte. Bitch, this cost $5 and what it's supposed to be is written right on the goddamn cup. And then, I couldn't take it back then because I was on the precipice of taking 2 hour exam when I discovered this. And I couldn't wait until after the exam to take it back, because, uh hello, it was my coffee for a 2 hour exam. Even more bullshit.

all of my love,

K.D.

Does it weird anyone else out that we have 1 follower?

Hey Ho, Let's Go!

Alright dudes, so, I propose that we all post our respective Christmas plans so I can ask off for work and prepare my liver for epic drunkness, cause those are pretty much my plans: you guys and drunk. I expect much chilling, chillage, chillin' fo' fun (and fo' profit?), chillin' in the name of, and good old fashion kitchen floor time :) Also, can I just say I miss the ever loving FUCK out of carl and chrismo' and when we all reunite I'm planning a group hug of at least two minutes, uninterrupted eye contact is optional.

-Wc

Number 900!!

The 900th post! It's here. And to celebrate I want to share this hilarious video that we have all probably seen already. It's ok though, because it's hilarious and probably true.

"We'd be the best husbands EVER! Have you seen us? We are ripped. All of us."

http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6846855/gay-men-will-marry-your-girlfriends

-WonkY ComMA

In case you haven't noticed...

I'm off FB. It's probably a good a idea with finals and my security investigation coming up. Don't be alarmed if you get picked up in a government van for questioning.

It will also offset part of the pie-chart. However, it will probably soon be replaced with blogging.

CARL

Oh, hi

Mom is coming up for Thanksgiving now too and bringing Nick and we're going to Canadia to drink ALLL THE THINGGGSSSS.

CARL

I don't understand some of the people in our generation

I swear to His Noodly Goodness if I see one more self-pity status update I'm going to start being an UBER bitch and commenting with no regard to friendship. I don't get why people need to post to the world that they are having a shitty day/week/semester and how they wished they had some real friends. Personally, the idea of sharing my mood swings with facebook makes me more uncomfortable than an Irish man discussing his mother with Freud. ~end rant~
In other news I to need to shower and read before class, but I ended up preping all the parts for dinner tonight because I haven't cooked in a while and the urge is making me all twitchy like a crack head... or maybe that was the coffee. Anyway!! I miss you Carl and Chrismo. Christmas break is so far away.

Wonky Comma

Tanabe-sugano diagrams, and why the fuck is hexaaqua iron 3 nearly colorless?

It's probably bad to sit around eating jalapeno jelly straight from the jar, right?

I should probably just stick to drinking earl grey, slapping my mouth with my teaspoon, and wondering what the hell I am doing with my life.

all of my love,

K.D.

Oh Dear Lort,

The other night I had a dream with Jeremy Beach. Hoo boy has it been a while since that happened. We were at chuckie cheese's and tickets cost nearly a dollar a piece, and yes you used tickets not tokens. And you could buy tickets with your calculator or with just money. So I went up to get me and Jeremy and the other two people there's (Jim and maybe Lea?) tickets, and I only has $60 and everyone else was getting them with their calculators. But the machine that took money from the calculators was broken, so everyone just had to share the tickets I got, which somehow only came out to be like 10 a piece, and each game took like close to that much. And then the ski ball machine (my favorite) was off or broken or something, so I couldn't play that. And the machine where it gives you a bunch of basketballs to shoot was off, and there were barely any other games. And then we were all laying down trying to take naps. So the whole thing sucked a lot.

all of my love,

K.D.

I like it when I can literally see swagger rolling off of rockstars

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s92smjLq_38

That video did shock me a little when it came out. In a good way.

Also, I'm obsessing over Gone for Good. Why did it take me so long to appreciate the magnitude of The Shins?

all of my love,
K.D.

Imaginary Friends

Frodo why u so awkward?

I need a kick in the ass or a venti white mocha with soy and an extra shot

AHHHH tomorrow is school. I don't have a bookbag, my hairs need a trim desperately, my room is a hellhole of a mess, and I haven't even bothered to look at where my classes are on campus yet. Pretty sure this meme is going to be an accurate description of this entire year, just replace the pint with a solo cup of some type of mixed drink.

Cheers to another year dudes
wonkY

I had a dream last night...

that I was attending your state-side 21st Birthday. None of the drinks I made you were strong enough after all of the Scotch Whiskey. I was saddened when I realized this couldn't actually occur this summer.

CARL

Dear Zach Braff,

I'm sorry for not believing you about Colin Hay.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O5J-DtKldpE

all of my love,

K.D.

I'm a lit' drunk on Vodka and high on...summertime

I went to the boys' house yesterday for some quality day drinking time. It was pretty damn fun, not gonna lie. I enjoy places with people who I can get unreasonably drunk with off of three very strong Arnold Palmers.

Also note, those bitches are sneaky! You think you're okay because you can't taste the drunk creeping in because of that delicious lovechild of sweettea vodka and lemonade, but it will fuck your shit up and then your slurring your words at the pool and saying "blowjobs" and "he's just a pussy" way way too loud to be okay. Luckily, the boys used to be close friends with Corey so I could probably strip naked and run around the pool singing "Put it in my mouth (yes even the part about eating vagina)" and it would not be the most embarrassing thing they've had to deal with. I like that, no standards is the way to go. Also, I really want to buy the "If God didn't intend for man to eat pussy, he wouldn't have made them shaped like tacos" shirt, but I honestly don't know where I could wear it.

Let's see, other than that my life has been pretty boring. Occasional 12 hour days of wedding catering, lots of sleeping in, and video games in my underwear, you know livin the dream... the dream of every 14 year old boy, except for the work part and the frequent masturbating to girls on the internet, I've cut way down on that, I swear.

I got the prof. of a really cool grad class to give me permission to take her class in fall. And my advisor is going to help me fuck UF out of their graduate fees for taking the class by registering it as "Individual Study" which is an undergrad class. I hate the system, but when you learn how to screw it over it's not so bad.

Been watching lots of my drunk kitchen and Jenna to keep myself in high spirits, it mostly leaves me wishing I could do my eye makeup half as good as drunk Jenna when I'm sober and wanting a cute small animal to hold.

WonkyCoMMA

Oh, Jimmy.

This is hilarious:
http://whatshouldbetchescallme.tumblr.com/post/27950243996/when-i-see-someone-wearing-crocs

Until I realize that what they're looking at is the poor gator in the concrete pit at the Citrus Attraction. Then it's sad.

CARL

Pick the Gif!

So this this just happened:

I'm deciding between the following three responses:

or

Maybe my bad choices as a teenager will be rewarded with my supreme ability to troll, but not really.

I'm coming home in eight days

In nine days I will be home.

I didn't fall in love with Scotland the way some people fall in love with places where they have spent a few fleeting moments of their lives, I had sort of hoped to fall in love with it that way. The way that I have fallen in love with the Smokies and the keys. I think I could fall in love with the countryside, because it is beautiful and it feels like home. But not this city. And certainly not when I have such negative feelings about what I spend all my time doing. There is a post back some ways where I am talking about being exited to learn about gravitational waves. I resent this subject so much now that I wish I could go back in time and smack that girl.

I did fall in love with some of the people here. A few of them are absolutely wonderful. It's odd to think that I might not ever see these people that I love so dearly ever again.

I'm not sure why I'm awake. I'm so exhausted from travelling around so much this weekend. It probably has something to do with the over 10 hours of sleep I got last night. Or maybe it was the light drinking that I did earlier in the day. Or the large coffee that followed the drinking and kept me company on the train. Whatever the reason may be, I am going to pay for this tomorrow.

I kind of just want to skip out on my life for a while. Quit school and do something else. But that's all a bad idea considering things, and whatever loafing around it is that I feel like doing can wait a few years until its a reasonable thing to do.

I miss my bed. I miss my dogs. I miss my bathroom. I miss my friends and family. I miss the freedom of my car. It's amazing how trapped I feel without a car. I don't know how people in cities go their whole lives depending on trains and buses and having absolutely no autonomy about coming and going as they please. It just might be the thing I miss most about home. Not feeling trapped.

I also miss the chicken wings and sweet tea and the Gulf of Mexico.

Corey told me happy birthday. Sometimes I think about the year of my life when he was not quite so different from me and we were such close friends. I do miss that person he used to be when he and I were good friends.

Sometimes I say weird things and mean them with complete sincerity and I wont think them weird at all, but the person I am talking to thinks it is weird, so I guess I'm weird sometimes. Or someone told me "eccentric". I guess you'll just have to tell me.

all of my love,

K.D.

Happy Birthday KELSER!

I wish we were already drinking in celebration of your birthday dude. When you get back we will totally have a make up party to adequately intoxicate you in the name of your new legality. Also so you can wear the sash and the crown. In the mean time I hope your day of birth is awesome and you get to do lots of fun activities tonight (like drinking).
WComMA

You'll never leave Harlan alive

Sorry for the rant which is about to follow, please bear in mind that I am unusually cranky, at the very least from being mentally exhausted, but also potentially from pms-ing. I just had a bad day with my project. Well, I had a bad twenty minutes with my supervisor, which basically made the whole day sort of bad.

So it's like I have been working on this project five days a week, eight hours a day for the past five weeks and it has basically gone nowhere. The equation that I have been using to analyze my data is not working. I thought maybe this due to some fault of my own, bad coding, or whatever. But no, a week and a half ago my mentor said that "something weird is happening" and he didn't know what. But for this whole past week and a half he has had me completely ignoring the fact that what this equation is doing is totally wrong, and still trying to figure some stuff out from it, but basically I have been working on other stuff.


All that is to say that my project is not going fantastically, and I am sort of generally frustrated at this point. So today I meet with my mentor to have a chat about what's going on. From the start, this goes badly. I have been trying to find the maximum value of this matrix, so I have two concerns. One, it seems by eyeball that this matrix has lots of maximums, although matlab is only giving me one. Two, the graph of the one point where the matrix should be maximum, is actually the minimum. Now, this is going to sound racist, and I totally don't mean it to be, it's just the best way of describing this situation. My mentor is an asian dude, and so since asian culture and our own is so different, plus there's a language barrier, asian people just come off as really rude sometimes, and it's a particular kind of rudeness that is just really condescending and off putting. I hope you guys know what I mean, not all asian people are like that, but it's just a type of rudeness that the asian to american translation is prone to. Anyways, my mentor was gone in July, and when he got back, I had to catch him up with what I've been doing. So anytime he didn't get what I was saying, he wouldn't say something like, "oh could you please explain that bit a little bit more" or something like that. He would say something like, "I think you should explain that differently, and when you are explaining something you should...." And maybe I am not the most cohesive explainer of things, but like I left parentheses out of an equation, and he said, "shouldn't that have parentheses" in that really condescending way. Or like today, he literally told me that I shouldn't name variables the things I had been naming them, in my own code for fucks sake. And like the other day we needed to look at some graphs, just to compare a couple things, so I went and printed them out. So these are the graphs I have been comparing stuff with, they don't have labels or titles or anything, all that takes way too much time, and we only need to look at them to compare a few things. Anyways, when I gave them to him he was all, "when you make graphs you need to have a grid, and a title, and labels, and make a script so that you can go back to it," and it just bothered me the way he said it. And one final example is like yesterday I was asking him about some statistics stuff. I had copied an equation from the wikipedia article describing this particular thing, and I was asking him about it, and the first thing he said was, "I think you need to read the line just before this." I mean, who says that? Here I am asking you to please explain something I am confused about, and you really feel the need to act like I haven't even tried to understand it.


So, anyways, he has this way of I dunno, irritating me is not the right word, and it doesn't make me mad, it just puts me off I guess. Makes me feel like he is patronizing me I suppose. And so when I am explaining something, and he is asking me questions, it's not like he wants me to give him more detail, it's like he is insinuating that I don't know what I am talking about. So back to that whole maximum value thing. We were in his office talking, and I was trying to explain my concerns to him, and he basically kept saying I was wrong, which would have been fine because I was basically asking him how to do something, but the way he kept saying it was like I had been being a moron and obviously I was wrong, and he totally didn't offer any explanation of the right answer. At some point he literally said, "I don't think you fully understand this." Which on the one hand, yes, that's why we are talking about it. On the other hand, all you have done is blanketly tell me that all that I have been working on for the past 3 hours is wrong, offered no useful explainations as to why it is wrong, and the way you have said it has made me feel like you think I am incapable of understanding simple things.

So then we go to my computer to look at what I have been doing. And so over the past couple days he has been saying stuff like, "I think you may have your axis inverted" and stuff like that. Which for one thing, in a 3d plot it doesn't matter if the x axis is pointing north and the y axis is pointing east, as long as you can tell them apart. So if that is not what he means by inverted axis, then he means that I can't tell them apart. Which means he must think I am an idiot, because one of the axis runs from .5 to 3, and the other from -20 to -18, only idiots can't tell -20 from .5. So he has said this on multiple occasions. Now at this point I have gotten fairly frustrated in general, he has been telling me that I don't understand this thing, and making me try to explain it over and over. And now we are looking at my data and he keeps saying that maybe my axis are backwards. So it starts with me giving a quick explanation of why they are not backwards. Then he keeps saying it. So we go through piece by piece. The matrix is indexed as i by j, so i is rows, and j is columns, and i corresponds to the -20 to -18 variable, and j corresponds to the .5 to 3 variable. Thus the fact that I have a brain in my head tells me that the rows go with the -20 to -18 variable, and the columns go with the .5 to 3 variable. Now I am getting the index for this maximum value, so I ask matlab for its index, which looks like [row,column] of the point where the maximum is, so it will tell me [i,j] of that max value. So we go though which is a row, and which is a column. Now, I have been working with this data for weeks now, so obviously I have the upper hand at intuitively understanding how the data is laid out, so I could see where he might be confued. But the way he is saying it is making me feel like he thinks I am confused. And so finally he basically keeps saying that he thinks I have confused in my head which variable is on the x axis, and which is on the y axis. He explains that he thinks I may be confused because the rows of a matrix are indexed vertically (like on the y axis) and the colums are indexed horizontally (like the x), so even though every matrix notation ever goes (rows, columns), I must be thinking (columns, rows) because I am a moron who thinks matrices are called by laying them down on a cartesian plot and giving the (x,y) of the data, like duh. And even then that has fuck all to do with what we are talking about, because we are talking about a graph. You can literally interchange the axis of a graph by rotating it through space, it has no fucking bearing on what the data is. So even though it makes no difference at fucking all, I am like OK, and I interchange which variable is plotted as x and which is y, and I guess I had just lost all sense of calm at this point because he said, "Kelsey, don't get worked up about this." Not in a nice, "I'm sorry for acting like you are a blathering baboon," sort of way, but in a, "Only blathering baboons get frustrated when you keep on and on asking them, "well are you sure you aren't an idiot? I'm worried you might be an idiot."" sort of way.

To which I have several objections. One, don't tell me what to do, and sure as shit don't use my first name when you do it, you aren't my mother. Two, what the fuck else do you want me to do, we have been sitting here for the past ten minutes going over the same goddamn thing with you basically calling me a moron the whole time. I'm pretty sure that is close to the definition of frustrating. So yeah, I was hella frustrated, you know, going red in the face, giving short curt answers, on the verge of crying because my face starts leaking when I feel cornered into something, and then he goes ahead and tells me not to be frustrated. Ugh, it just made me feel awful all day.

So, I know that was a massive novella of petty bullshit, but I really needed to get it out of my system. Thank you for listening (and telling me that, no I'm not crazy or a being a bitch?)

all of my love,

K.D.

I'm about to betch out a little...

Ithaca Independence Day.

Mo', bros, kittens, waterfalls, alcohols, slaw. Poetry shit.

So it goes...

We went to Mike's bro's house in c-town for some BBQ and dranks. He made the same (very dangerous) jungle juice from slope day in his backpack tank dispenser. There was croquet (Mo' taught me how to spell it), botche ball (don't even fuckin know dude),slip-n-sliding, and beer pong. Mayda confessed her like to (other) Al, but it didn't work so that was kinda sad and we got more drunk instead of being sad.

We had to find a long enough hose to set up the slip-n-slide which was obviously a great idea. We found a stray kitten and stole a bro hat in the process. Hence "THERE ARE SO MANY FREE KITTENS AND HATS HERE!" We found a big coil underneath a pile of leaves. I guess "diry hose is better than no hose."


I was slizzerd by 6, so Mayda took me home and I mustered up the strength to shower and have some bread. We cried about what was surely nothing because I was drunk and I started my period today.

Mo' returned with many bruises and headaches by like 10. She went to the waterfall with the bros. You can ask her the rest if she remembers.

CARL

Your hustle's busted when you can't afford a cigarette.

So has anyone listened to the new R.H.C.P. album? Is it decent?

I have contracted this new catchphrase, unsure where I picked it up from, but I find myself saying it all the time lately. "fuckin' A man".

Ooh, I won a door prize last night at a comedy club. Tickets back to the comedy club. So all it takes to win a raffle is being on a different continent from Bethany.

Also, I was wrong about Scottish accents. So wrong. They don't all sound like Sean Connery. It is beautiful. And hawt. So hot.

Today I greeted my officemates with, "Happy fourth of July, bitches!". It was very gratifying. Unfortunately they were not at all offended, not even the actual English one.

Apparently "anyways" is not a real word. Mind=blown.

"Most inventions start out like this, with alotta people being like "That's not the way it was before." and other people being like "Shut up, I'm drunk."" Not the best beginning, excellent ending.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OsJd8QARaR0&feature=plcp

Also, post something bitches.

all of my love,

K.D.

Also, happy Higgs Boson day. It was a fun day to be a scientist, I must say.

Johnny, said love is all you need, but I sold that record so, I wouldn't have to know, there's nothing you can see that isn't shown.

Holy crap nuggets, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World is awesome. It was so very insanely awesome, but then.

Jason Schwartzman.

Plus all that Beck dripping all over it.

I'm pretty sure this movie was hand made for me.

God I love Beck. And Jason Schwartzman. And Jack White.

K.D.

Even though he poisoned the mind of the king of Rohan, Jack White is still pretty bitchin'

So yeah, Blunderbuss is pretty addictive as far as albums go. I figured it would be one of those ones that got better as you listened cause on my first go round nothing stood out as particularly amazing, but now if I listen to one song I want to listen to them all.

Today I was in a park, and this massively fat squirrel was just sitting on this fence looking at me. And he just sat there staring at me, like 2 feet away from me. So when I reached for my camera he climbed up a tree, and continued to look at me, and I was watching him cause he was so cute. And then after a bit he climbed down the tree, onto the ground, and scurried around me in a circle and proceed to keep looking me up and down whist clasping his hands. He was so adorable, I felt like picking him up and keeping him.

So, firstly, I do not like sitting in front of computers and working. I think I need to be more hands on doing shit. I think when I get home I'll change my degree to chemistry. Turns out I'm not as much of a physics person as I thought. Secondly, I have no idea what I am doing with my project. My mentor is off getting married in other countries, and even when I met him he was all, "yeah, your project is really flexible you can do whatever really." Which was OK and all, but really I have no knowledge of what the hell is going on, I just need to be someone's helper outer/lackey for a couple months. And also, I am so not a city person. Cities are boring as shit man. At least when you don't have a car and have to walk a mile or two to get anywhere.

Yesterday I got in an argument with this guy in my office about torture. Apparently he thinks Guantanamo Bay defeats the point of America, which seems like a really weird thing to me. It seems like there are a lot more things that destroy freedom a lot worse than some super upper level military holding place that has just about zero effect on anyone's life. But apparently (at least to one Scottish guy), the existence of Guantanamo Bay is a giant deal. But anyways, I was saying that if there is even a slight chance that torturing a very non-innocent person saves a significant number of lives or could in anyway diminish suffering, then it would be worth it. Like if you could torture Himmler in 1943 to get a clue about where Hitler was and what he was up to, then yeah, go for it. Apparently this sentiment is not shared. So at the risk of feeling even more like a soulless bastard, what do you guys think?

Not that I really plan on taking Glasgow people's opinion of American politics too seriously, since it is pretty in vogue to be liberal here. It's just like, bizarre the things people have to say about it, and the expectations they have. I dunno, it just gets my goat when people say things like "Bush is an idiot" and proceed to back it up with further statements of how, "well he's an idiot." Maybe I've just heard that line one too many times, but at least if you're going to attack the man, do it with some sort of actual statement about his prowess as a politician. Perhaps go for how, despite being a republican, he vastly expanded the federal government. Or maybe go for some of the things he did with education. But for god's sake stop peppering everything you have to say about him with, "he's an idiot."

Anyways, all that aside, I miss you guys, I miss home, but I'm also having a good time. Talk to you later lovelies,

all of my love,

K.D.

Yesterday,

I met Kelsey, in boy form. Math and physics double major, loves the Fratellis, and works here: http://w4.lns.cornell.edu/public/lab-info/wilson.html

Funny thing is, his name is Alex and Mayda likes him. We may have a double Alex situation on our hands my friends.

We went swimming with Mike (Greta's boy) and his new roomates; (Kelsey) Alex and (gay-sian) Phil. There was debauchery, leeches, and busting my Ray-Ban's when I forgot they were on my head and butted a soccer ball. Oh (Kelsey) Alex is a soccer boy, I forgot that. Anyway they are pretty super glue-able so no great loss for such an awesome day. :)

It's good to be back and work seems cool. The lab coats are tie-dyed.

CARL

Kelse I want you to know, since you have left there is less pants wearing on my part, but not more happiness

Cari is coming WEDNESDAY!!! Ahh so can't wait. Gainesville is getting lame guys. Work is fun (most of the time) and making me money, but i'm either working or tired from working... first world problems I know but whatever. Also, I'm finding that I'm liking going out and partying far less than I ever have. I was thinking back to high school and I loved it so much, but now I'm like ehhhh I could go out or I could watch parks and rec...
Wcomma

Laughing so hard you hurt yourself is good for your health

In other news, Gainesville has been operating at five thousand billion percent humidity the past few days. Mo! How is your new job/state/friends/life?

YAY! Cari's home...

But I'm afraid I'll be off with my family this weekend. Presumably I'll be free by Monday or Tuesday night. Lemme know what you wanna do. Unfortunately I have 2 months worth of work to do in the upcoming week as prep for Scotland, but I wanna hang as much as possible. So let me know what's up, I'm down for the get down. I have no idea if that's an appropriate phrase.

all of my love,

K.D.

The sky was bruised, the wine was bled

Uh, hi. Looks like I'll be home next Friday. Hopefully it will work out like last time where I can stop in Gville for lunch. My last exam I "have" to take is today, but I'm a retard with a knack for finding statistical anomalies so I got into a parking lot accident on Sunday and have to get my bumper fixed. Alex isn't leaving for Paris until that weekend anyway, so that works for me.

CARL

And then Americans got their heads out of their asses

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/lookout/college-student-claims-left-cell-five-days-without-153200359.html

And realized how immensely idiotic it is for drugs to be illegal. Then they legalized all the drugs and we stopped putting kids in jail for victim-less crimes and put a fraction of the money we saved from not having to shelter and feed them while they were in jail into giving addicts free rehab and properly educating the public about addiction. Bonus points for not turning 18 year olds who got caught with an 8-ball into into hardened criminals and giving people the right to do as they please with their body. Oh, and probable prevention of gang violence and babies born with opiate addiction. The end.

I eat sixteen saltines then I lick my fingers

I purchased Blunderbuss today, holy crap I am so excited! I also bought Psycho Jukebox. Hope they are both spectacular, I am worried about my main men letting me down. But I doubt they will, and I foresee a lot of listening to them on the way to Europe, and in Europe. Golly I hope I stumble upon Jon Fratelli sometime while I am in Glasgow.

Ahhh, Elijah Wood, so delicious, albeit much too short. WILFRED SEASON 2 COMES ON AIR SOON! Did any of you watch the first season? It's pretty hilarious. I mean really, a show about doing fuck-all and smoking weed with a dog you talk to, featuring a heavy dose of mental illness, what's not to love?

Cari, at some point you asked me when I would be home and I don't believe I answered you. I will be home by like Saturday the 5th, and remain there until like the 26th, so we can hang out a considerable amount if you're there by the 9th, which would be hella awesome. Related, spellcheck does not think hella is a word. I learned this today when I used hella in my course evaluations. Spellcheck also does not think spellcheck is a work.

I should be studying. Blargh. Nards. I should have been studying all day. I laid down on the floor in the sun to study. Then I fell asleep on the floor for two hours. Like a godsdamned cat.

All of my love, oh all of my love, all of my love, to you now,

K.D.

The fuck is this new layout blogger?!

why the fuck do I want to add my cell phone to the blog?

Planz:
Hopefully I got a good grade on my Econ prelim so I can drop the final. If so I will be done here on May 9th, if not it will be the 14th.

Then I will drive home and hopefully see some of you betches.

And then I will drive back to Ithaca in a month and start a research project designing low cost water filters for people in Honduras on June 11th. I'm just gonna stay for the summer until Fall semester starts, aside from some awesome 'yakin, hiking, and marathon training adventures.

If you can find a cheap one way ticket Lea you should drive up with me and stay for a weekend or so in June. You can take off work ;)

Chris, coming to see you and the massholes is a definite possibility for a weekend this summer.

Kels, I don't think I'm coming to Europe. Alex is going to Paris, which is icky, and I don't want to travel around by myself if he and Greta are just going to be working the whole time.

'tis all for now.

so i did a south african.

could be a movie title, yeah? i miss you guys, i feel like i have no idea if anything exciting has happened to any of you lately. so i guess i'll just ramble on about my own escapades and hopefully you all will follow suit.

i tried molly a few weeks ago with ben (the crazy kid kelsey and lea met). it was really cool, i definitely recommend it in the right setting. but make sure you have this list on hand:
vick's vapor rub
orange juice
glow sticks
hand sanitizer
anything that lights up
3d glasses
weird music like pretty lights that you wouldn't normally listen to
cool people that have done it before
and you'll have a great time!

a couple weeks ago these tenessee rednecks ended up on the reef for a night and we had a night comparable to our key west night. one of the dudes had a prosthetic leg and i'm pretty sure we made this grand plan to hike the appalachian trail this summer. i don't remember his name. i fell out of a tree and woke up with one of the dudes completely ripped jeans in my room, but not the dude because they got escorted off property around 2 am. worth it.

i visited the world's most ghetto waterpark in west palm beach last week. but we were hammered and it was still a waterpark so, like pizza and sex, it was still good.

i got it in with a safrican last night. this is more of an accomplishment than anything else because they all leave next tuesday and, well you know, i've never done one before. it was nice.

so that's about my life since i saw you guys last. oh yeah and i got a job in cape cod, mass for the summer and i'm driving up there may 1 with my buddy who got me the job. was thinking about stopping and seeing you nerds on the 2nd probs. oh and cari i looked it up i'll be like 8 hours from you. meet in the middle and have a kick ass time at some point in the next few months? i think yes.

peace out homies.

Grown-ass men

...who have their shit together, are awesome!

Alex made me dinner and we watched Crazy Stupid Love last night. Seared ahi tuna, Ryan Gosling/Emma Stone, and sex. I can get used to this shit.

Congrats on your Gravitational Physics lab thing Kels! That looks epic!

CARL

If my last post wasn't cute enough

http://pinterest.com/pin/278730664407443890/

In a year's time...

Alex finally figured out he wants me too. Well, about damn time.

bahahaha

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=6PKQE8FM2Uw

K.D.

trying to distract yourself is not as easy as it looks

Smack it on the ass and call it perfect...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e1s-E1WWipc

K.D.

Desperation Day

I wish you were here, cause my anti-vday party is going to be epic as always.

CARL

3pm

A Cornell study is in this month's Cosmo. Dunno how to feel about that.

Don't judge me.

CARL

Instant Replay

"[...] clitoris"

"Dude, WTF, you can't say that!" *whines about poor innocent ears*

"Guys, were talking about ANATOMY, that is the anatomical name of that. Sorry. Geez, "love button""

"sniggers"

Then the two sober ones were convinced by the drunk one that staying up all night to get McDonalds' breakfast and buy The Hangover was a good idea. Then I made an ass of myself in approximately a 20' radius of my mom's boss. Then Lea fell asleep. So Doug.

Geez

That pileup on 75 looked really bad. I'm glad you guys weren't out there.

CARL

Inversely Proportional

Matters of Great Importance:

Impressing Bitches < Making Music < School

Quantities of Shit in my Apartment:

Shoes > Guitars, etc. > Engineering textbooks

Not to get all Chris Traeger up in here

But my jaw literally dropped...

Here we go again.

I was sitting in a EnvE class talking to chill chick with a nose ring when the hot guy that normally hangs out with the EnvE "popular bitches" sat next to her and started holding her hand. I wanted to scream "You go Glenn Coco!"

Complex Problems

From my "Engineering Economic Analysis" textbook:

"The selection of a girlfriend or a boyfriend (who may later become a spouse) is obviously complex. Economic analysis can be of little or no help."

Meltdown pending

Maybe I should have gone name brand?

Alright guys, so I took some Equate Nighttime Cold & Flu shit last night. Here is my dream (in an incoherent, incohesive, non sequitur, non narrative fashion, of course, because that is always how i dream. i don't know):

Kelsey wants to take acid. I'm like, me too. But I'm scared I'm gonna have a bad trip wah wah wah. But finally I'm like okay. I'm gonna do it. But we gotta plan what we're gonna do after we take it! What if I freak out! I can definitely see myself freaking out! Okay. So we end up taking it. And to give you a little picture of where we are, it's bears some weird semblance to our middle school upstairs hallway, the one with Bozeman and Branhuber and Kelsey's mom, etc, just a little narrower and smaller in general. So me and Kelsey are sitting in one of the classrooms on the floor and it's like that weird after school time when all the teachers become real people and only a few kids are left, like the ones with teacher parents or the ones who are in trouble or the ones who are super involved in after school activities. We have this little capful of liquid, like the caps on the top of liquid medicine that you take your Nyquil out of, and we're smoking it. Like holding a lighter underneath it and just sucking in any smoke that comes out. How this is scientifically possible, I am not sure. Again, welcome to my dream world. And this is supposed to be acid. Some teacher across the hall sees us and I'm all KELSEY! Shouldn't we do this somewhere else!? And she's all, nah, it's cool. The teacher comes over and talks to us about pot or something and how she used to do stuff like that when she was young.

So switch scenes. We smoked it and I decide I'm going to sit in Lea's car for a while, because it's outside the school. She was with someone else, maybe Shanna, and she's like yeah dude, you can sit in my car. And I'm all freaked out because people have been breaking into houses and shooting people and stealing their stuff. (I think that notion came from a scene in Contagion, which I watched last night) Anyway, I sit in Lea's car.

Switch scenes. I go back upstairs to Kelsey sitting in what I guess is supposed to be her mom's classroom at Parrott. She's just sitting at the desk working on the computer. I'm all, so? Are you tripping balls or what? She's like, dude it doesn't do anything for two hours. I'm all, okay...

Switch scenes. I'm with Cari and Shanna and they're all, we wanna go shopping. So now we're in Wal-Mart. (why do dreams never involve transitions? It's just scene to scene to scene.) We're walking around and I guess I'm just tripping balls and like man I can't be here. Then they're like we wanna go somewhere else and keep shopping. I'm like, alright, I'm out.

Switch scenes. We're all in this movie theater and Shanna's like, I'm going to see Ninja Turtles by myself, see you guys. And then the rest of us go in to like this scary movie or something.

And those are pretty much the main parts. There were some other weird bits and pieces but they're too weird I can't even figure out how to put words to them. But then again, that's pretty typical.

Christina

If you happen to care

Finished Slaughterhouse Five this morning, had lunch with some buddies, came out even between buying and selling textbooks, and got my parking ticket dismissed. Pretty bitchen day so far, even though it's cold as balls.

CARL

Not looking forward to the stupid shit my children are going to think is funny

I was forced to think of this today when my Australian professor said the word "skateboard", and his accent made it sound weird.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gIF0UCFd3FM

On a semi-related note, I walked into the men's room today. Not my greatest moment. Also, it smelled nasty in there.

K.D.

I already have a drink, think he'll buy me cheese fries instead?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5H-xnwCTjQ&feature=related

Non-spontenaity

So I have a doggy job on Friday mornin so I can't come hipster clubbing with you on Thursday night Wonky. I will come up sometime on Friday afternoon. If everyone is in class I guess I'll just fuck around in the mall for a while.

Mo, do you wanna come with? If so, would you want to come back Saturday or Sunday morning? Idk if I wanna stay til Sunday, but if we come up with something good for Saturday I might.

Also Mo, do you wanna go look at Antiques in Dade Shitty tomorrow?

CARL

Query

Anyone wanna go to a Charlie/Amber show with me in Tampa tonight? They're probs gonna start around 9. Also, there's a large ham and cajun rice here if you wanna come by.

CARL

I remembered

I think Bobby Kattenhorn is the one who used to call you country club, Christina.

K.D.