O.K. I guess I just claimed to know the way "teenagers," the group, react to punishment. What I really meant was punishing teenagers whose brains work like mine (which I hear are few and far between).
Anyways, yesterday I got to class and forgot to call my mother. Not, I thought about calling her, but then decided it was too much hassle, I just totally and completely forgot. So I get home to an empty house, I do my walking, I eat dinner, and then she gets home from shopping. By this time I had mostly forgotten about the problem itself. Well that didn't last too long.
She immediately said "I can't believe you forgot to call grrrrrrr......grrrrrrr" I put on a genuine beaten puppy dog face and said, totally meaning it, "I'm sorry mom" Well her response was "I don't care if your sorry" I quit talking after that for 2 reasons, 1 I was worried if I talked she would eat me, and 2 I am not that fond of conversing with people who don't care if I am sorry for my mistakes.
So she continued with her angry rant, and I continued to take it quietly, which, really I understood she was upset and was O.K. with most of what she said because I knew she had just been worried. After that she was like "what punishment can I give you to help you remember to call" and I didn't have a good answer. So for now I think I am grounded for awhile. That is the story part of my story, but what I really wanted to talk about is some of the fundamental reasons why I disagree with my parents.
O.K. mom was saying how this was my THIRD TIME FORGETTING TO CALL and how that was really bad and all, but in reality it was my first time forgetting to call, but my third time not calling (and yes those are different). The first time I didn't call, my phone had not been charged. I didn't fight the punishment since I knew my phone should have been charged, even though my parents were punishing me for not calling, which I think was dumb since I had no phone. I mean I thought I deserved to be punished, just they were punishing me for the wrong thing.
The second time I did not call was the time I really did call, it just did not cross my mind to leave a message. I don't think I needed punished for that, but my reasoning is part of my overall point which comes in to play in just a second.
This time, I did not call because I forgot, plain and simple...forgot. I was wrapped up in what I was doing and it did not occur to me to call. That's the whole story. So here is my point. After a day of hard (trying my best to be unbiased) reflection, I have decided that it is very stupid to punish people for forgetting, or not thinking to do something. The second time I had not called it had simply not occurred to me to leave a message. I know its a dumb thing to say, but it's true. I didn't think I needed punished then and I maintain that belief now. Once I had gone through upsetting my parents once by not leaving a message, I wasn't going to do it again. And even now, several months down the road, when they don't pick up I think "Oh I should leave a message because that is what they want me to do." Not "Oh I should leave a message so I don't have to go in the pasture and clear fence lines." In my mind punishment and duty are two different things.
And that is where I think my parents and I differ. They associate "not fulfilling duty" with punishment, where as in my mind duty is one thing, that I really do strive to do, and punishment is reserved for crime or just obvious and direct violation of the known rules. If I had gotten to class and purposefully stepped on my phone so as to not have to call, I would think I should get punished.
They also associate my amount of respect and appreciation for them with weather or not I fulfil my duty, whereas I don't. One of mom's big arguments yesterday was "Here I was, out buying clothes for you and letting you go off to the blood bank and lunch so how do you repay me...by not calling, you are so disrespectful" First of all, I don't see how forgetting to call can, even in an adult's mind, be called disrespect. By definition it makes no sense. But even when I do do something worth punishment, it's not because I don't appreciate my parents, it's because I am a teenager and I want the instant gratification that what ever bad thing I'm doing is gonna give me. In my mind the two are totally unrelated and have nothing to do with another. I mean that is not even my opinion, it is how my mind works. They don't seem to get that and it causes a lot of trouble.
So this time, they are in the middle of trying to determine my punishment and they want me to tell them what I think will help, but I have no answer. Punishment just seems dumb here. I mean if I get to the college and forget to call, its because nothing in my mind said call and there is no punishment you can give me to fix that, because if I am thinking about the punishment I have clearly already thought about calling in the first place and the punishment is of secondary, motivational, but non-necessary importance. I mean I don't get places and think "Alright, grounded, what are all the things I could do here to get grounded? Hmmm I could get a speeding ticket, nope better keep it under 15, I could crash into that guy's car, nope better not do that, I could cuss at my teacher, well that's not a good idea, I could not call mom, nope better get the phone out and give her a ring." That's dumb. What I really think is "O.K. I'm driving a good speed, not hitting anybody, not cussing at Mrs. Cherry, oh yeah better call mom" Then I call her and sometimes I think about how "oh it's a good thing I remembered or I could have been in trouble", but usually I don't even think about that. My point being that thinking about a punishment for something can only come once you have thought about the something, and then continued a step further to "what would happen if I didn't." If you don't think about it at all then a punishment you served in some mildly distant pass is irrelevant.
But I mean, another one of mom's things was "I guess you don't care that I was worried you had died and you don't care about me...blah blah blah...guilt trip, guilt trip, guilt trip" Of course I care, I FORGOT, I mean if I had thought about how not calling you would make you upset, I would have called. Heck, if I had thought about calling, I would have called. And its annoying that I have been driving without them for 6 months and in general a year and a half. It's logical to be worried a little in the back of your mind. But being so worried you are sick and can't think of anything else is a little too much at this point, I think at least.
Well when she had finished sorting clothes from bags she was like, "Jim (my dad) did you hear an 'I'm sorry' or 'thank you mom'? And dad was like "actually I heard an 'I'm sorry' because I remember you saying you don't care."(although he was really timid and she seemed to not care) And in my head I was like " Ha you got told" along with the still "why would I waste time communicating gratitude towards you when you don't care if I try to apologize for upsetting you" That may have been a little bratty, but I was rather offended.
Anyways, that's about it... I just wanted to get some of that off my chest. It's all just my opinion on it all.
So Lea, I can give you a ride, I need directions, but I am being forced to nix the twisty treat due to groundation. Sorry, I really hope we can do it another time tho (and soon).
all of my love,
K.D.
4 comentarios:
I'm sorry but worry not, its not a big deal, one day there will be ice cream. As for directions, ok, starting at the Hess next to Papa Joes. Be in the left lane and you will see three spots to turn off of 50, the second one is purely for u-turning, on that third one turn in. There should be a cluster of newspaper boxes. Keep going on the road you turned onto (Camie) until you have passed 5 or 6 streets on the left. My street is called Simona Ave, it's on the left and right before a drainage ditch. My house is about half way up, on the left. There are two big trees, we have a red door and mail boxes in the corner of the yard. Call me if you get confused. Thank you so much. And we got a cool project Dr. Foster today. See ya.
Hey, I left a message at your house,but I wanna be there around 7 in the morning. Sweet Dreams!
At your house, not the school....
Okay, kd, after I've had a nap and recharged my brain a bit, I can respond to your post. Probably a day late and a dollar short, but a response nonetheless. I think your rantings are generally reasonable. I should remind you, however, that most of it is "in my mind" and being sixteen years old is different than being forty (or however the heck old your parents are). What I honestly think you should do is tell them how you feel. After the fact. Tell them how you felt about your punishment once it's over. Be nonthreatening about it. But through your reasonable gifted rationalization, let them know that it hurt you and you disagree with it. Put this post in a word document and tweek it so that they can read it. If you never reasonably let them know how you feel (at the appropriate time), nothing will ever change for you. That's my two cents (if you care at all). How'd the SAT go? Did ya'll kick some booty?
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